it hurts to be broken.

The more I journey in this faith the more certain I become of the fact that God is doing a work in our lives. And, to be honest, so often these times hurt.

It hurts to keep bumping into your broken selfish self. 

With that said, I still think these times are quite possibly the most true and honest times in this journey of faith. I believe it is in these times that I feel most certain God is real and that He cares for my sanctification. And quite honestly, I'm ever so thankful He cares for my sanctification.

Come to think of it, I think He'd prefer us be open and talk about His work of sanctification in our lives. I think He wants us, fellow believers, to be able to ask one another about these times. These painful and difficult times. He wants us to be able to say, "What is God teaching you right now?"
And if someone asked me that question right now, this is how I would answer.

The abundance of His grace and faithfulness. 

Let me explain.
I have come to know that marriage is one of the truest forms of a magnifying glass on the soul. I have learnt more about myself in these past 6 months of marriage {ok, almost 6} than I have in the past 26 years. I have learnt that I am so undeserving of anything my gracious Heavenly Father has given me. I am learning, through marriage, that my failure to be all that God desires me to be leads me all the more to His grace. Cause frankly, I'm not always so good at a lot of the things I feel as a Christian I should be. And this hurts. My sin is ugly.

The beauty of my sin, the only beauty of it, is its unfailing ability to show me my need of Him. Cause oh how it does. And oh how I need Him.

Perhaps, however, this is exactly where God wants me to be right now. In a keen sense of my need for Him. Right smack dab in the middle of the knowledge of His abundant grace.

His grace that is sufficient to cover my brokenness.
His grace that is sufficient to cover my fear of failure.
His grace that is sufficient to keep my wandering heart binded to Him.
His grace that is sufficient for me. All of me. All my failures.
His grace that is sufficient as we stumble along to figure things out.

This is what I'm learning now. And it's hard. And it hurts.
But He never promised that my sanctification wouldn't be.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

Be devoted to one another in love.

Honor one another above yourselves.

Never be lacking in zeal,

but keep your spiritual fervor,

serving the Lord.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Share with the Lord's people who are in need.

Practice hospitality.

Romans 12:9-13