I'm giving up on good.

I'm linking up with Hayley over at Tiny twig and Jessi at naptime diaries. Their life giving posts resonated with me this week and I just had to join in this blog series with them. 

Hailey writes, "Instead of perpetuating the lie that you have to do it all well, all early, all efficient - what if we spoke life to one another and imparted grace to one another by waving our white flags and admitting the good things we've walked away from to pursue the better things. The things that are right for us? What if we had a little weekly linkup and you could share one or two things each week that you've given up on. Because you know you can serve your family, the Lord, or just keep a sense of peace by focusing your time, energy, talent, resources where He wants it to be."

I couldn't agree more, friend.
So that's what I'm doing. I'm giving up on good for less fuss. So I may find an opportunity to do more for Him with more resources. So that I can create an opportunity of freedom for me.

But where to begin? Where to start? Well, the first place I checked in with was the husband. I think he has a better perspective on me than I do myself sometimes. I thought he'd be a good candidate to tell me what aspect of giving up on good I could focus on for this first post.

So I ask. 
He says, "pinterest."

I say, "come again?" 
He repeats, "pinterest. you spend a good amount of time on it each night. perhaps you could do something more productive with your time."
I say {a little annoyed}, "yah, i think you're missing the point here ever so gracious Husband. and really, i mean you know that's not gonna happen."
He tries again, "making the bed each morning."
I say, "alright, now you're really missing the point."

but you know what. I'm not too sure he was. I mean, sure, I'm still gonna go on Pinterest. And really, the bed will be made each morning {ok expect for this past weekend. see previous post here for that dirty laundry airing}. But this was one of those times that I effectively read between the lines. 

And I heard him.

I heard truth.

the truth which is the fact that I have, perhaps, an unhealthy over the top expectation of myself. An expectations that I have to have everything pulled together all.of.the.time. wardrobe. hair. house. bed. car. office. kitchen. perfect instagram photos. the list goes on. Every morning the house gets cleaned before we leave for work. Every night the house gets tidied before we go to bed.

Really, truly. It can be exhausting trying to maintain this pulled together front. 

And for who?

For a facade, an identity of how I want people to see me.

Perhaps.

I don't want this to be the case, though.

here's evidence of a series of failed instagram photos that never got posted because the Husband refused to pose for a perfect shot. 

Now don't misunderstand me. This is not to say I'll stop making the bed each morning. Or caring to pull together a new outfit fit for each day. Or decorating the house every so pretty. I enjoy these things. They can be life-giving {can being the emphasis here}. But the goal of it has changed.

Because I lose the life giving aspect of it when I do it for the praise and acclamation of it. I loose the joy of it when I have to say no to friends coming over cause the house isn't pinterest worthy. I loose the joy in it when I upset the Husband each time we're late because I have to put the kitchen in order before we leave.

I can't do it all. That's my confession.

So, I'm giving up on good so I can free myself from holding onto an expectation I just can't keep up with. I'm giving up on good so that my identity won't be muddled in the expectation of perfection but rather an identity in Christ. Imperfect but held together in Him.

Well, ok, and if not for that, then why not start accepting the eventual reality that things won't always be pulled together once this family grows.

And you know what, friends? I think I'm not alone in this. Perhaps you can't do it all either. If you're anything like me then I invite you to join me in this post series. Talk about it. Blog about it. 

I'm looking forward to hearing what you come up with and knowing that I'm not alone in this.

xoxo