I had a particularly awful morning a few months back. I've had a few recently as well actually. But that one, that one, was epic. It deserves to be highlighted. Not because of its awfulness. But because of what I learnt rom it ... what I am learning from it.
In the heat of it I texted a good and wise friend of mine. I wrote, please pray for me. I just lost it on Adam and Theodore. They deserve more from me. Please pray for patience. I need more patience.
send.
In the heat of it I texted a good and wise friend of mine. I wrote, please pray for me. I just lost it on Adam and Theodore. They deserve more from me. Please pray for patience. I need more patience.
send.
To which she responded, "I'll pray for grace not patience."
grace...
Grace? I thought. Yah same difference. Patience ... grace same thing. But it's not. The more I thought about it, I knew there was a difference. I didn't need patience to get me through the day. I needed to soak in His grace because that's what I needed to offer. And oddly enough, I needed to offer it to myself in that moment.
In my awfulness, right there in the middle of its ugliness I know my Savior was standing before me saying, "Come here, my child. I have an unlimited reservoir of grace for you. I know you didn't act as you ought but it's alright. Allow my grace to calm you. Allow my grace to change you. Allow my grace sustain you. Allow my grace to grow you." I'm certain that if I really knew and understood His grace I would be able to offer it more freely to those I love most deeply. And then I thought about it more, if grace was more present in every part of my day I would undoubtably and more naturally be graceful at home, cause let's me honest. That's always where we need it most. Our families get the best, and absolute worst of us mums.
When I feel like a failure, I can offer myself grace and say, "You're doing good today. And that's enough for today. It's not perfect but today let good be perfect."
When I forgot that a friend's birthday because I'm impossibly selfish and I've just taken on too much I can offer myself grace and say, "It's ok. You're busy. You're doing a lot. She'll understand. You can make it up to her."
When I just can't make it to a dear friend's baby shower because of a previous commitment, I can offer myself grace and say, "She too is women of grace and she'll understand. You're not super mom. And no one expects that of you."
When I'm just feeling just too stressed about planning Theodore's second birthday in order that it encapsulates all things Pinterest worthy (insert awesome, pretty, fun, unique, creative, and yummy) I can offer myself grace and say, "In the end what does it all matter? In the end, what matters most is that he feels and knows that his Mummy was present and full of grace both the weeks leading up to his party and the afternoon of his party. Allow grace to say that's enough. And find peace and contentment in the enough-ness of it."
So yes. I'm now praying for grace to cover my days. I'm praying that when he grows up he remembers his Mummy as a women of grace who relied on His grace. I'm praying that when my husband speaks of his wife to others, he can't help but say she's a women of grace who relied on His grace. So yes, grace not patience is what I need more of.
